In the darkest and lowest place I've ever been, there was no one that could understand what I was going through.
2023 kicked my ass, plain and simple. I started off the year getting cut from the DC Defenders in what would be the last stop in my professional football career. I was blindsided and I had a nice 10 hour drive home from Dallas to stew on that. When I got home I put on a happy face and tried to fake it until I made it. I got a job. I tried out new hobbies. But no matter what I did, I felt so alone.
In my head, no one could understand what I had gone through. The extent that I changed myself to be as close to a perfect athlete as I could be. The disappointment I felt in not achieving my goal of playing in the NFL. The shame I felt for coming home after getting cut. The embarrassment I felt on behalf of my family because I had failed. I had no idea who the hell I was.
I turned to music. I am a big $uicideboy$ fan, so was happy to listen to their latest EP. In one of the songs on there, "A Little Trauma Can Be Illuminating And I'm Shining Like The Sun", Scrim says he's been "trying to figure out where the stage ends and I begin" and it perfectly described how I felt. And in that moment when I heard it for the first time, I felt the first bit of relief. Someone else felt how I did. I wasn't alone anymore.
This is the healing power of music. Music is meant to be for whatever you're going through. When you don't have someone in your corner or someone that can understand you, everyone can turn on that one artist that does get you. It is the reason we can make playlists for any mood we are in; there is a tangible feeling from music that can be applied to our every day lives. When fans tell artists that their music saved their life, they actually mean it. Because when that person was at their very lowest, that artist was the one person they could turn to and feel understood.
Music is incredible in the fact that it can have this effect on people. The artists that talk about their struggles make it possible for others that are struggling to find solace that they are not alone. Artists across all genres have this kind of impact, which is why it is so important to foster the independent music community and the reason I started Broken Record Music Club. There are so many artists out there with messages that can empathize with people that truly need it. And by focusing time on only major artists, we miss out on these up and coming artists. These music communities need to be nurtured and grown so they can reach their full potential. That way the people who need these assuring words can get them.
That is what Broken Record Music Club is trying to do across the state in Illinois. While we can't work with everyone, we know the importance in sharing the incredible artists that live here and are creating their art. We want to help get that music to you. And more importantly, we want to be here for you as you go through these tough times, too.
So as we go through Mental Heath Awareness Month, tell us your story. Tell us how music has saved you. Tell us who saved you. And if all else fails and you need someone to talk to, send us a DM. We give you music for whatever you're going through, but more importantly we are people that are here for whatever you're going through, too.
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